Mental Health,  Personal Growth

How To Stop Being the Victim of Your Life?

It is not that life is easy, but there are people who, after three strokes of suffering, make the victim their modus operandi. Some decide to do something to stop being it, and others … well, no. Are you one of those? In the long run, playing the victim will not get you what you want; take 100% responsibility for your actions and take control of your life, yes, but you have to dare to change. We can play the victim in all aspects of our lives or just some. For example, you can victimize yourself at the office, but be on another channel with your partner – depending on our role in life; we will see different victimizers.



Let’s start by making distinctions. Of which there are victims, there are victims: people who suffer certain damage, either fortuitously and unexpectedly or as a result of actions by others that put their physical, emotional, mental, social, economic, or financial integrity at risk. We all know of cases of sexual abuse, kidnapping, mistreatment, or situations of people affected by earthquakes and hurricanes. But it is one thing to be a victim and quite another to become the “victim”. Victims, that strategy of pseudo-victims, tend to position themselves – consciously or unconsciously – as victims, pointing out and wrongly blaming the environment, the husband, destiny or God, for their misfortunes. The “victim”, in their everyday narrative, and through complaints, accusations, laments, and manipulations, distorts reality, eludes self-criticism, shows themself to be unable and competent, assumes no responsibility for what they love, and is pleased with your pain.



Positioning oneself as a victim encompasses a comprehensive spectrum of actions with different intensity, frequencies, and perversity. Some are harmless little lambs who look at life with a certain pessimism and unease. In contrast, others are actual pathological cases that exaggerate their misfortunes through the culture of complaint, blaming, and manipulation. So, to never lose that “victim” role, the following are what these toxic people do:

  • They complain constantly.
  • They go through life lamenting and seeking consolation left and right because, according to them, “they cannot do anything” to change the “terrible” circumstances of their life. Constant suffering gives them a particular pleasure because it gives them a leading role before others and makes them worthy of listening, understanding, and compassion.
  • They distort reality. When narrating the events, they omit information, exaggerate or qualify it, and negatively load themselves. Their objective is to accommodate reality to the pessimistic version that they need.
  • They fan blame.
  • They have a knack, not to say overwatch and paranoid, of blaming people for their ills and misfortunes.
  • They argue in detail how others want to harm, hurt, exclude and mistreat them.



Thus, on top of that, everyone thinks that they “like to suffer” or do it just out of evil or manipulate the other. The reality is much more complicated than that because, although it is true that there is a form of manipulation when playing a victim and awakening pity, in general, it is not done to take advantage of the other but to avoid possible aggression or obtain something that, otherwise, you do not feel capable of receiving.



Recognizing it: the first big step is distinguishing those who experience abuse or mistreatment from those who simulate and proclaim it. And, without minimizing the suffering that a victimizer could experience, identify that his solution strategy is precisely the position of “how much I suffer!”



The victimization strategy as a tool to attract attention, receive love, and be understood tends to work for a short time, but it quickly wears out. You cannot dedicate yourself to blaming your parents, the economy, and fate for what happens to you. If you show yourself as a victim of your circumstances, you can feel sorry, but then angry, and in the end, it can be uninteresting.


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