A narcissistic mother is very harmful and causes a lot of pain to her child because she wants to fulfill her own needs and cannot consider her child’s needs. This type of mother’s love is fleeting because she cannot love her child unconditionally.
There are three types of narcissistic mothers.
1) The Openly Narcissistic Mother
She makes her children feel unloved because she is constantly seeking attention, life is a stage, and they must always play the leading role. She shows her children to her friends and brags about them, claiming that they are her masterpiece.
This kind of behavior is very harmful to the child. Because the child learns that she cannot be herself to meet her mother’s expectations and that she has no other choice. When the daughter becomes a young woman, the narcissistic mother begins to compete with her daughter and eventually becomes hostile. She will accuse her daughter of being a burden to her and will tell her how much money she spent on her and how much time the daughter has taken away from her. She does not give her daughter the means to face reality and expects her to grow up fast.
Other open narcissistic mothers are the opposite, always keeping their children close at hand because they feel abandoned otherwise, creating a codependent bond.
In other cases, mothers want to feel needed but push their children away when their demands become too great. She fears that her child will become too independent and her needs will not be met. They also do not acknowledge their child’s feelings, feel threatened by the child’s beginning to move on with his or her life, and do not give the child the space to fully express himself or herself. When the child becomes a teenager, she continually discredits them to preserve their identity and tries to make them conform to her social life because she always wants them to stay young. She often triangulates the child/siblings, creating a toxic environment, insinuating one idea to one child and another to another, pitting them against each other to create conflict, and then enjoying the drama she has created. When the child rebels against such treatment, the mother isolates the child from the family.
2) The Sadistic Narcissistic Mother
This type of mother is often an alcoholic or addict, leaving her with a deep level of neglect and abandonment, not caring what happens to her children . Sometimes several men enter her life, and these stepfathers abuse the children, creating an unhealthy environment for them to grow up in. The children of these mothers survive internally divided because they do not receive adequate understanding and emotional support.
3) The Entangled Mother
She is the most inconspicuous and does not teach her children to build an independent life, but instead binds them emotionally and does not let go. This type of mother may seem perfect in caring for her children, but by not letting them grow up, she makes them eternal children.
The children become mentally intoxicated and internalize the message that the world is not safe and that it is always better to stay home with their mother. What is created there is a codependent relationship, which does not allow them to be liberated and self-assertive in society.
Instead of supporting independence, they instill the fear that if they try to be independent, they will be punished and abandoned. Entangled mothers become so attached to their children that they make them the center of their world. This behavior is often accompanied by a poor relationship with the child’s father.
When the father is absent, he often neglects his children and wife, discrediting the father in the eyes of the children. The son grows up to take the place of the absent father and becomes a surrogate husband, rewarded for his concern for his mother. This dynamic can make male children sensitive, open, and generous adults, but it does not balance the give and take in their relationships. As an adult, he will attract a psychopathic, narcissistic, borderline woman and go bankrupt to satisfy her.