Dysfunctional Family

Are You the Blacksheep of the Family?

Do you feel uncomfortable? Do you feel like the black sheep in your family, are you seen as the odd bird out and in society, for example? Perhaps you feel blocked and distressed by this situation.

What is a Black Sheep?

A “black sheep” is a person who does not conform 100% to a family or other group because of different thoughts, emotions/feelings, and behaviors. For example, we can think of people who have different lifestyles and customs, such as religion or choice of partner. About one in eight adults felt like a “black sheep” or “oddball” as a child. Another word for this is scapegoat: someone is the target of negative energy.

Causes of the Black Sheep

At first, we often don’t realize that we are “different” until we notice that others have a (non)verbal reaction to us. You may have felt or feel like a black sheep for many reasons.

(Un)discovered Quality

Black sheep are distinguished (often unconsciously) by (often undiscovered) qualities such as high sensitivity or IQ (think talent). The black sheep sense something in a particular area that not everyone knows yet. For example, they can detect the best way to help someone.

This brings many positive opportunities and possibilities. However, family members may resist (out of fear), react extremely strongly, or reject, ignore, or repress this feeling. Just think of comments such as “don’t act like that,” “be normal,” “shake yourself up,” or “get over it.

By resisting a specific characteristic and “eliminating” it, the family hopes (subconsciously) that a certain characteristic will disappear and peace will come. The saying “a tall tree receives much wind” fits this context.

Imbalance During Youth

There is often an imbalance in the youth of the black sheep such as:

  • Physical violence such as spanking and sexual violence.
  • Emotional violence such as.
  • -Competition
  • -Jealousy
  • -Desperation
  • -Lack of understanding and emotional support.
  • Mental abuse, e.g., others saying rude things to you or having negative thoughts about you.
  • Parents favoring other siblings.

How Do You Know if You Are a Black Sheep?

There is no scientific test to determine if you are a black sheep. You should be able to feel it for yourself. You may find yourself in one or more of these characteristics (which may vary from person to person)

  • Feeling lonely/no bond/no family connection.
  • Feeling misunderstood.
  • Feeling excluded/excluded/rejected.
  • Feeling no interest from family, feeling neglected. May also not feel appreciated.
  • Feel unloved.
  • You may feel that your family wants to control you and that you must be “obedient” to what they want.
  • You may feel that others want to determine and lead your life.

6 signs you're an outsider (and how to make it work for you) - Healthista

Tips to help you out:

Tip 1: Use High Sensitivity to Your Advantage

Roughly one in five people are highly sensitive persons (HSPs) and identify themselves with these HSP traits: HSPs are good at reading between the lines and noticing things and expectations that are not being expressed. These are wonderful qualities, but they can also be a massive burden in a family. Learn how to use it to your advantage.

Tip 2: Stick to Who You Are

HSPs can avoid being bothered by the energy and criticism of others by sticking to their own energy.

Surround yourself with like-minded people who strengthen and support you. Create comfortable relationships with the outside world, including love, work, and in-laws.

Tip 4: Be Confident

How others react to you is their responsibility. Develop self-confidence. Be willing to do what you will and share your hopes and limitations.

Tip 5: Live Your Dreams

Make yourself happy. Live the life of your dreams. It gives you energy and makes you happy.

Let us know if these few tips have helped you in the comments below!

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